So what now?

September 8, 2024 | 2:33PM

As I am writing this I am taking one of the worst turds of my life. I have more to say on this but I will refrain as my digital footprints have suffered from my lack of filter. Anywho, I saw my doctor the other day and what do you know!!! My ITP is actually chronic and I have to get back on steroids AND my platelets dropped to BELOW NORMAL AGAIN!! (62,000). I’m stressed, I’m pissed but I’m open. They told me that if this next wave of prednisone doesn’t cure it, I’m gonna have to be put onto a more long term medication which I don’t even mind. I just want to feel and be healthy again for my sake and everybody else around me. I don’t even like alcohol that much anymore so I won’t have an issue with needing to stay sober this time around. I actually like how prednisone makes me feel. It made me feel productive, driven, clear minded and I woke up with the first alarm every time. Maybe this is my sign to get back onto adderral or however you spell it (the legal kind). I was prescribed it in high school but didn’t notice much of a different except for the fact that it gave me a rush similar to 2 cans of redbull. I feel like it may help me now but let me not get too ahead of myself. I still hate having to take pills on a schedule because if you know me, I don’t like schedules! Everything I do and think is spontaneous and impulsive but obviously, that needs to change because I am an actual adult who pays bills and actively commutes to work and shit. Fuck it’s so hard being responsible but I will manage.

Today is my brothers 6th birthday as well. I FaceTimed him for a bit last night and it was really nice. I love seeing him smile and happy. Too bad he’s got a bit of a cough but he’s a trooper :) everyone around me is also kinda sick so I guess we gotta prep for flu season (?)

I wanted to go see the band Badflower today at revolution live but obviously my job pays like shit and I had bills to pay so I passed. Eric does wanna go to a car show and I do wanna surprise him with tickets that I bought but he’s also sick :/ oh well. I’ll drag his ass on a wheelchair if I have to. You’re gonna see that Ford GT baby!

This is where I end my vents and story telling. I have to wipe and start my day. Also enjoy the photo of my dog Bailey with my sister holding him through my ring camera. Unrelated to my thoughts today but I thought it was funny because he doesn’t even look like a fucking dog. 

Write ya later! <3

2:43PM

3 cams, 3 discs

 

August 27, 2024 | 11:14PM

Today I got a new job. That’s right, clap!! I got a new job that pays better in wynwood. I’m excited to stress out my legs so much that I start to actually GAIN muscle. I don’t know how that shit works. Anyways, I found this shit at the Salvation Army up there. They had GOOD SHIT! I even saw 2 bass amps and an analog stereo system (it looked cool enough to be analog) I sure do wish I had a car. I found an oasis and candle box CD but somebody else stiffed that shit. The video cam works barely and the others are suffering from battery corrosion. I tried fixing it with some vinegar and rubbing alcohol but I got tired. I’ll try tomorrow. Those cds though? I got the Tracy Bonham one cause I really like her song “mother mother”. She has some good shit on there. The Fray? C’mon now. We’ve all cried to Isaac Slades voice atleast ONCE! How to save a life mother fucker!!! Snow patrol I haven’t listened to yet but IM SURE IVE CRIED TO THIS ONE TOO! I’ll get around to you mr. Where did I go wrong. 

Im exhausted. Like physically don’t worry. I’m healthy up there and everywhere else. Tomorrow I take my last dose of prednisone. 

That better be a hit.

11:19PM

On the right track

 

August 22, 2024 | 8:42AM

You see this cluster fuck of Sweetwater deals? I am golden mother fucker! Nearly dying saved my life. I feel driven, I feel motivated, I feel like I’m FINALLY on the right track. I gave up the whole “I’m too depressed” act. It wasn’t really an act but I could have definitely done better but I don’t regret one thing. I am me and the most authentic and healthy version.I have ever recognized. I still struggle to look at myself in the mirror and see all good things, but if I only saw good, then why the fuck am I chasing a broke passion? I need music more than ever.

Here’s the plan. And it’s the plan that’s been brewing for a while. I am going solo; but dead alone solo. I am going to make this music myself, perform it myself and well…maybe use some help with the mix and master. It’s gonna be a visual experience too (hence the expensive ass motorized light beams). The best part is, I’m going to make it focus on theatrics as well. I’ll let my inner diva/thespian shine for this one. I know I’ve got the attitude and the talent so fuck it bruh!! I started off solo in 2019 with a guitar and a MacBook Pro. Found out what a launch pad was and used that, joined a not so good band, created a really good one annnnnd kerplunk. Back to square one but this is where I belong. A wise man named John Tovar believed in me. He saw spunk when I didn’t know what that meant and all it took was a cover of “The Ocean” by Led Zeppelin when I was 17 in the “not-so-good” band. He told me to always dress like a rock star if I wanted to be one. I didn’t really pay attention to him at first but I’ve got my signature leather jacket on every damn day. Even in Miami’s raging heat. 

I don’t need a band to rock the hell out. I just need my gear, my ear and a vision.

9:02AM