3 cams, 3 discs

 

August 27, 2024 | 11:14PM

Today I got a new job. That’s right, clap!! I got a new job that pays better in wynwood. I’m excited to stress out my legs so much that I start to actually GAIN muscle. I don’t know how that shit works. Anyways, I found this shit at the Salvation Army up there. They had GOOD SHIT! I even saw 2 bass amps and an analog stereo system (it looked cool enough to be analog) I sure do wish I had a car. I found an oasis and candle box CD but somebody else stiffed that shit. The video cam works barely and the others are suffering from battery corrosion. I tried fixing it with some vinegar and rubbing alcohol but I got tired. I’ll try tomorrow. Those cds though? I got the Tracy Bonham one cause I really like her song “mother mother”. She has some good shit on there. The Fray? C’mon now. We’ve all cried to Isaac Slades voice atleast ONCE! How to save a life mother fucker!!! Snow patrol I haven’t listened to yet but IM SURE IVE CRIED TO THIS ONE TOO! I’ll get around to you mr. Where did I go wrong. 

Im exhausted. Like physically don’t worry. I’m healthy up there and everywhere else. Tomorrow I take my last dose of prednisone. 

That better be a hit.

11:19PM

On the right track

 

August 22, 2024 | 8:42AM

You see this cluster fuck of Sweetwater deals? I am golden mother fucker! Nearly dying saved my life. I feel driven, I feel motivated, I feel like I’m FINALLY on the right track. I gave up the whole “I’m too depressed” act. It wasn’t really an act but I could have definitely done better but I don’t regret one thing. I am me and the most authentic and healthy version.I have ever recognized. I still struggle to look at myself in the mirror and see all good things, but if I only saw good, then why the fuck am I chasing a broke passion? I need music more than ever.

Here’s the plan. And it’s the plan that’s been brewing for a while. I am going solo; but dead alone solo. I am going to make this music myself, perform it myself and well…maybe use some help with the mix and master. It’s gonna be a visual experience too (hence the expensive ass motorized light beams). The best part is, I’m going to make it focus on theatrics as well. I’ll let my inner diva/thespian shine for this one. I know I’ve got the attitude and the talent so fuck it bruh!! I started off solo in 2019 with a guitar and a MacBook Pro. Found out what a launch pad was and used that, joined a not so good band, created a really good one annnnnd kerplunk. Back to square one but this is where I belong. A wise man named John Tovar believed in me. He saw spunk when I didn’t know what that meant and all it took was a cover of “The Ocean” by Led Zeppelin when I was 17 in the “not-so-good” band. He told me to always dress like a rock star if I wanted to be one. I didn’t really pay attention to him at first but I’ve got my signature leather jacket on every damn day. Even in Miami’s raging heat. 

I don’t need a band to rock the hell out. I just need my gear, my ear and a vision.

9:02AM

Popcorn and a plant

 August 10, 2024 | 11:19PM

I wasn’t scheduled to work today, but I figured I’d go in and cover for somebody last minute. Extra cash is always good. Now I’m sitting at south miami metro station wondering where the fuck I want my life to go. I know where and how I’m going to end up, but getting there is looking steep. I’m not too intimidated; I’m excited for the challenge but it’s just that point in my life right now where the nerves are all you live by. Hopefully this train will take me somewhere else other than home. I’m going home don’t get me wrong, but I need a fucking lead.

11:22

Keep the flames in doubt

August 9, 2024 | 7:15PM

I’m on my way to guitar center right now and I am so fucking exhausted. I found out the other day that i was actually overdosing on my prescribed steroids from the hospital. The bottle literally says 2 in the morning, 2 in the evening for 10 days straight. That’s 80mg of prednisone mother fucker!!!! Okay now I just screamed outside this car window to sing along to this guy screaming part of your world by the little mermaid. Jesus Christ I wish I had a stable mind. ANYWAYS!!!! FUCK! The hospital was a fucking wake up call. I mean, death is always around the corner but I didn’t know this fool was chilling in my living room. I want to do electronic rock. Yes I do like nine inch nails. Something like that but I know I can do something a bit better. In my own solo way. I’ll just get a boss table top looper, hook it up to ableton, my bassline processor and my trusty offer up Gibson replica (The Epoch which is actually pretty dope). I’m tired of the Hayley Williams accusations. I love her, I love being a front woman but I am so much fucking more than just another punk ass girl holding a microphone and directing a crowd like the navy. I wanna be revolutionary and I will be that. I will be an icon and I will be a legend. Now all I have to do is…believe that.

7:26PM

At least it’s not cancer

 August 2, 2024 | 8:08AM (hehe)

I’ve been admitted into the hospital for low platelet levels and bro honestly…I’ve been ignoring the symptoms and just doing away with alcohol until I almost fainted at work. And then that’s when I realized “Fuck man. I should probably not die rn” went to urgent care, showed them pictures of my blood encounters around my body and they demanded that I went to the ER so I went, got my blood drawn and WHAT DO YOU KNOW? my platelets were 10,000 above critical. My platelets were at 40,000 (normal is 150,000) so now I’m here being stuck with a needle every 2 hours and getting pumped with steroids every day. Today is only day 2 however. Still waiting on my second dosage. I’ll be fine. Eric has been sleeping here with me and keeping me sane. I definitely need the comfort when all I can “eat” are liquids. Atleast now I have time to catch up on Dexter.

8:13AM